♥Sunday, September 24, 2006
why am I fated to have tish life? ♥
I dunnoe why I have been feeling like as if I'm so tired. like as if all of my energy are being drained out from my body. tish month had been the most tragedic one for me. well first I nearly lost my IC and other important document, den awkwardness starts to rise in the frenship, den my daddy is ill and now everything around me starting to change.
Wad I am afraid of most now ish losing my dad. the dad tat I have always known to be the one hu always protect me. the dad whom I looked upon as sumone whom I have always trust and loved. Now tat he ish not in his best shape, I felt so helpless. I dun know wad I should do. Suddenly my future seems to be blurry. I dun even know wads gonna happen to me in future if daddy realli leave us, our family. I feel so sad looking and thinking about the things tat have been happening around me. I mean, why cnt some people just try to understand wad i am going thru. understand my feelings, my situation and my thoughts. Well I know tat they are NOT me, and I am fated to go thru my life like tis. So they dun noe wad I feel, wad I think and wad I going thru with. Well everything around me has changed. and I mean everything. Am I to be blame for the changes? Am I in the wrong for typing all of tish in my blog? Is a sin to tell others of wad I realli feel inside for so long? Wad is tis? Wad kind of logic ish tt? Why cnt you people out there try to understand wad the hell I am going thru???? Wadever I say and write are always being mistaken by others. Wadever I do are always wrong in front of others. I am always the one hu ish at fault. I am always the one hu didnt think positively. I am always the one hu dun understand u guys. I am always the one hu likes to offend people. I am always the bad one. Aint I? Isnt tat wad you wanna see and hear?? well yea. so blame all of it on me kes. I shall appreciate everything. And I shall thank you for tat. yea. blame all of it on me! Go on! I know tat I'm not the fun and cheerful type of person. unlike you people. yea. I am the outcast. happy aren't you? you're happy seeing me going thru all of this BULLSHIT. you're happy tat you're not suffering like me. well yea. I am suffering. My dad's life ish so unpredictable. No one knows whether he'll be living to see the sunrise tomorrow. Crap. why am I even explaining myself to you guys.
*Is it just an excuse? an excuse for us being separated later on? an excuse for all tat has been happening? why do life have to be like tish? which should I believe? both are very important to me. why isit so difficult to make a choice? I am so confused, but yet I've got no time to think bout it. my mind ish preoccupied with matters tat are far more important. forgive me for wad has happen. I am so so sorry if I have ever offended u guys in any way. sisters lurve will never fade away.*
12:48:00 pm
in the color of grace.
