I'm in it agains...haiz.. :( ♥
-If only I cud breakaway...I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly...fly away from all of it..out of the darkness and into the sun...but I ain't dare to take a risk, take a chance and make it real....wanna feel the warm breeze and sit under the palm tree feel the rush of the ocean...If onli I cud breakaway...I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly...I'll do wat it takes till I touch the sky...make a wish and take a chance, take a risk...and breakaway......though it's not easy to tell euu goodbye...but I gotta take a risk, take a chance to make a change......so tat I cud breakaway.....breakaway.....-
K...had a talk with him last nite..well finally got the courage to call him agains after I asked fer the 'time-off' period...haiz..I think tat I have fell DEEPER in dilemma...cuz of watever tat he said over the phone yesterday...well I kinda feel guilthy fer not giving him a chance...but I sumhow sumwat still kinda cnt forget bout wat happen tat time...Ouh mayn...I think Jann and Zara noes how I feel rite now...haiz..I realli feel tat the hate tat I had fer him rite now ish suddenly evolving into sumthing called love...yea..I cnt believe tat I saying it either...but I think tat its true lor.. T_T *crying agains* and yesterday he keep saying to me not to leave him ever again...and he keep saying tat he miss me and all tat kinda stuffs...haiz..and the shocking-but-sweet part ish tat he actually cried wen I say about the possibility of we being separated...hahas..well kinda feel guilthy bout it oso ..but its so farnie yet sweet of him to actually cried...OhMyGod! tts like the first time ever tat I actually heard him cried over US!..hehex.. :) but I'm realli confused rite now...I think tat I'm not being fair to him and MASELF...haiz..my decisions are so not clear be it to me or the peeps around me...F**K la...I wish I cud be true to maself and follow my heart...I dun wish to give up and I won't break down...I hope to be strong even if it's all goes wrong...wen I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe...sooner den it seems tat life has turns around...I noe tat I wanna end it with him cuz I dun wish to fall deeper in tish relationship but sumhow and sumwat I realli wish to keep it...to still go on with it...haiz..*how many times...how many lies...how many lies...how many times* I felt as if I have hurt him by saying "kalau kite break mcm ane......" and after I finish tat sentence he realli did cried over the phone...But criously, I didnt have the intention to make him cry...I didnt realli meant it wen I say tat phrase...please believe me...I'm just giving the possibility...the possibility to assure me tat we MIGHT one day leave each other and go our separate ways...and wen tat particular day cums by, I noe tat I wudn't feel so devastated or depressed cuz I have prepared maself for tat day to come....haiz..sumtimes I wonder and think tat I dun need a guy to make it happen..I can have fun and be maself all craziiee and happy with my frens..the frens hu have been there fer like forever wenever I need them...Haiz..guess tish ish all parts and parcels of life huh...the obstacles tat I have to go thru in ma life..ouhwells~ hope tat everything will be just fine..hope he cn just forget bout wat I've said yesterday...cuz I criously dun wish to make him sad and unhappy....sorie...I'm so sorie....
2:48:00 am
in the color of grace.
